August 10, 2015

Nine are still going strong! I go in on Wednesday to have the transfer. So many emotions are going on inside me right now. I am so nervous/excited! Nervous that it won't work, excited that it will! If it doesn't work out the way we hope, I don't know how I am going to take it. Three years and three miscarriages have been torture. I have fought with depression and anger and frustration beyond anything I have experienced before. So to say that we would be let down or sad or even heartbroken would be an understatement. It will be a long two weeks while we wait. Now I think about if/when we get the positive pregnancy test that will be a happy day, so many emotions/feelings rushing thru me. So happy and excited to have a baby growing inside of me FINALLY! And also afraid it will miscarry or something. Then there is the possibility of being pregnant with two. That is crazy! Twins would be so great and so hard all at the same time. So many normal everyday things change when you have a baby, but two? Haha! All in all, I feel a lot of comfort as we finish this process of IVF. It will be hard if it doesn't work, but I do trust that everything will work out. I have faith that Heavenly Father knows me, my desires, and he knows what is best for me. I am grateful for the gospel. I am thankful for the knowledge that I have that I am a child of God. He loves me and has a plan for me.