We had our second blood draw today! The first one was close to 600 and today the levels were almost 13,000!!!! What?! That is huge! My levels haven't been that high since Emma! I am overwhelmed with feelings-feelings of joy, excitement and mostly gratitude! Fear still trickles in now and then but I try to just stay happy and grateful and not waste my time on fear and anxiety because it sure doesn't help anything and there is nothing I can do about it anyway. I just can't stop smiling! When Jon says I'm pregnant it just sounds so strange-it is something that we have said and been told many times these past few torturous years but this time just feels different--- it feels more real to me I guess. I'M PREGNANT!
It's kind of crazy having so many people know all about our journey- with our first two we didn't announce the pregnancies until we were in the second trimester, now everyone knows and I am only 5 1/2 weeks along. I am so grateful for all the love and support we have received but I am also afraid if things so wrong--Everyone will know that too! All the what if's are scary but like I said earlier I don't want to live in fear- I want to live with gratitude and hope and faith! I am so SO grateful for faith! I cannot imagine going thru these past painful years without the faith that I have. I know who I am. I know I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who has a divine plan for me. I know that what lies ahead for us- whatever that may be is far far better than anything I could ever imagine!
SO, do I feel pregnant? Yes! I haven't thrown up (still wanting to) but I have had quite a bit of nausea the last couple days. I have never been more happy to feel like garbage! I still feel super tired too. I have a love/hate relationship with naps. At the time they sound so great but when I wake up from them I feel like poo. Food hasn't sounded great either, but randomly one thing will sound good and I can't stop thinking about it till I have it. Today as I was driving home from the blood draw I started to feel really sick and I really wanted a turkey sandwich with mustard, so I stopped at Jimmy Johns and it was heavenly! I just love their bread! ha!
So next for us is our 7 week ultrasound next Friday to make sure that our baby is healthy and strong and maybe hear the heartbeat. Next Friday cannot come soon enough!
It's going to be a week of excitement for all of us! Emma has preschool graduation on Monday- I am so sad that she is done with preschool! She is growing up way too fast and next year my little buddy is going to be in kindergarten, EVERYDAY! I have loved spending time with her everyday and having her with me to go shopping with. She is such a little sweetie with SO much love! Next Wednesday is Olivia's last day of 1st grade! That just blows my mind! She is getting so old! She is such an angel and is so tender and wants to make sure everyone is happy! I really am looking forward to having both of my princesses home with me over the summer! We are going to have so much fun together. I love making memories with them! I'm glad that the next week and a half will be pretty busy to keep my mind occupied so I don't obsess over the upcoming ultrasound! I am so anxious and 'cautiously excited'!
We are so blessed!
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Thursday, May 12, 2016
May 12, 2016
Well... Drum roll.... we are pregnant! AGAIN! Here we go! So far so good. No bleeding yet but I do check every ten minutes because I am so paranoid that we will repeat last time. I still feel very hopeful though- Last time I was happy with the positive blood test but I never quite felt right. This time I have some fear creep in now and then but all in all, I feel pretty good and confident things are going to work out. My levels were higher this time- almost 600! Now we have another blood draw on the 18th hopefully the levels are rising quickly- then nothing until my 9 week ultrasound that I am so excited and anxious for. I am just hoping and praying to throw up within the next couple weeks, as crazy as that sounds. But, thru all the miscarriages and ectopic my levels never got high enough to make me and sick and now if I will just get sick and throw up I will feel more confident that things are going well. I am incredible exhausted though- I take a nap everyday around 4. Hopefully that is a good sign! :) I think so!
Well in the mean time life goes on... the girls are finishing up their activities as school comes to an end, and we are all looking forward to spending more time together this summer! Life is good! I am happy and hopeful! Still anxious, but trying to enjoy each day as it comes! I'm so lucky and blessed to have the beautiful babies that I have. They are so sweet and pray and hope for a baby in my tummy everyday! I love them and their faith strengthens me everyday!
Well in the mean time life goes on... the girls are finishing up their activities as school comes to an end, and we are all looking forward to spending more time together this summer! Life is good! I am happy and hopeful! Still anxious, but trying to enjoy each day as it comes! I'm so lucky and blessed to have the beautiful babies that I have. They are so sweet and pray and hope for a baby in my tummy everyday! I love them and their faith strengthens me everyday!
May 6, 2016
How do we make the Lord's ways our ways?
Have faith and trust in His timing and His plan.
It will all work out!
Well we did it! We transferred our last two embryos! It's been quite the roller coaster of emotions. The week before the transfer Jon and I went to the temple. While I was there I just felt so much calm and peace and love. I was overwhelmed with feelings of love from my Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ. I don't know if we will come out of this pregnant, but I do know that they love me. They know me by name, Jesus Christ has felt the same pain I have felt and continue to feel everyday. He knows exactly how I feel, and Heavenly Father knows exactly what I need. It may not be what I think I need right now, but He knows and someday, this will all make sense. While at the temple I realized Heavenly Father isn't going to give me a 'yes, you will be pregnant' kind of answer. He is going to give me the same answer He has been. "Trust me" When I put my faith and trust in Him, I feel so much love and peace. I trust that He knows best. I still fear a little that what is 'best' isn't what I hope for right now but I know that faith and fear cannot go together. So I try to push those fears out as quickly as they come. I know Heavenly Father knows me, He knows my deepest desires and wants me to have them, but only He knows when the time is right. To say the least, it was a good time at the temple.
The transfer went well, I had acupuncture before and after the transfer and it was great. I was so relaxed and have been so at ease thru this whole thing this time around.
Bed rest was fun... no not really, I hate not being able to do anything. But I stayed down for the two and a half days. I have been eating pineapple core, raspberries and drinking pomegranate juice because I read online they are good for implantation! haha I am willing to do whatever I can. It makes me feel like I am doing something at least even though it is all in the hands of our Father in heaven.
It has been a huge blessing sharing our story- I am so overwhelmed by all the love and support we have received, and have really felt the prayers said in our behalf. It has really given me a boost, especially thru this last week and a half as I try not to freak out at every twinge or every feeling I have as we get ready to have the blood draw Monday. No matter the results on Monday I am scared. If we get a negative, I am afraid that it will never happen. If we get a positive, I'm afraid that the same thing will happen as last time, I will miscarry shortly after. I know I will be ok but I just want a baby!! Worry is a waste of time, I know - I cannot do anything else at this point. Just take care of myself, my family and hope and pray that we can bring another beautiful spirit in our family.
MONDAY IS A HUGE DAY!
Have faith and trust in His timing and His plan.
It will all work out!
Well we did it! We transferred our last two embryos! It's been quite the roller coaster of emotions. The week before the transfer Jon and I went to the temple. While I was there I just felt so much calm and peace and love. I was overwhelmed with feelings of love from my Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ. I don't know if we will come out of this pregnant, but I do know that they love me. They know me by name, Jesus Christ has felt the same pain I have felt and continue to feel everyday. He knows exactly how I feel, and Heavenly Father knows exactly what I need. It may not be what I think I need right now, but He knows and someday, this will all make sense. While at the temple I realized Heavenly Father isn't going to give me a 'yes, you will be pregnant' kind of answer. He is going to give me the same answer He has been. "Trust me" When I put my faith and trust in Him, I feel so much love and peace. I trust that He knows best. I still fear a little that what is 'best' isn't what I hope for right now but I know that faith and fear cannot go together. So I try to push those fears out as quickly as they come. I know Heavenly Father knows me, He knows my deepest desires and wants me to have them, but only He knows when the time is right. To say the least, it was a good time at the temple.
The transfer went well, I had acupuncture before and after the transfer and it was great. I was so relaxed and have been so at ease thru this whole thing this time around.
Bed rest was fun... no not really, I hate not being able to do anything. But I stayed down for the two and a half days. I have been eating pineapple core, raspberries and drinking pomegranate juice because I read online they are good for implantation! haha I am willing to do whatever I can. It makes me feel like I am doing something at least even though it is all in the hands of our Father in heaven.
It has been a huge blessing sharing our story- I am so overwhelmed by all the love and support we have received, and have really felt the prayers said in our behalf. It has really given me a boost, especially thru this last week and a half as I try not to freak out at every twinge or every feeling I have as we get ready to have the blood draw Monday. No matter the results on Monday I am scared. If we get a negative, I am afraid that it will never happen. If we get a positive, I'm afraid that the same thing will happen as last time, I will miscarry shortly after. I know I will be ok but I just want a baby!! Worry is a waste of time, I know - I cannot do anything else at this point. Just take care of myself, my family and hope and pray that we can bring another beautiful spirit in our family.
MONDAY IS A HUGE DAY!
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