May 6, 2016

How do we make the Lord's ways our ways?
Have faith and trust in His timing and His plan.
It will all work out!


Well we did it! We transferred our last two embryos! It's been quite the roller coaster of emotions. The week before the transfer Jon and I went to the temple. While I was there I just felt so much calm and peace and love. I was overwhelmed with feelings of love from my Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ. I don't know if we will come out of this pregnant, but I do know that they love me. They know me by name, Jesus Christ has felt the same pain I have felt and continue to feel everyday. He knows exactly how I feel, and Heavenly Father knows exactly what I need. It may not be what I think I need right now, but He knows and someday, this will all make sense. While at the temple I realized Heavenly Father isn't going to give me a 'yes, you will be pregnant' kind of answer. He is going to give me the same answer He has been. "Trust me" When I put my faith and trust in Him, I feel so much love and peace. I trust that He knows best. I still fear a little that what is 'best' isn't what I hope for right now but I know that faith and fear cannot go together. So I try to push those fears out as quickly as they come. I know Heavenly Father knows me, He knows my deepest desires and wants me to have them, but only He knows when the time is right. To say the least, it was a good time at the temple.
The transfer went well, I had acupuncture before and after the transfer and it was great. I was so relaxed and have been so at ease thru this whole thing this time around.
Bed rest was fun... no not really, I hate not being able to do anything. But I stayed down for the two and a half days. I have been eating pineapple core, raspberries and drinking pomegranate juice because I read online they are good for implantation! haha I am willing to do whatever I can. It makes me feel like I am doing something at least even though it is all in the hands of our Father in heaven.
It has been a huge blessing sharing our story- I am so overwhelmed by all the love and support we have received, and have really felt the prayers said in our behalf. It has really given me a boost, especially thru this last week and a half as I try not to freak out at every twinge or every feeling I have as we get ready to have the blood draw Monday. No matter the results on Monday I am scared. If we get a negative, I am afraid that it will never happen. If we get a positive, I'm afraid that the same thing will happen as last time, I will miscarry shortly after. I know I will be ok but I just want a baby!! Worry is a waste of time, I know - I cannot do anything else at this point. Just take care of myself, my family and hope and pray that we can bring another beautiful spirit in our family.
MONDAY IS A HUGE DAY!