May 18th, 2016

We had our second blood draw today! The first one was close to 600 and today the levels were almost 13,000!!!! What?! That is huge! My levels haven't been that high since Emma! I am overwhelmed with feelings-feelings of joy, excitement and mostly gratitude! Fear still trickles in now and then but I try to just stay happy and grateful and not waste my time on fear and anxiety because it sure doesn't help anything and there is nothing I can do about it anyway. I just can't stop smiling! When Jon says I'm pregnant it just sounds so strange-it is something that we have said and been told many times these past few torturous years but this time just feels different--- it feels more real to me I guess. I'M PREGNANT!


It's kind of crazy having so many people know all about our journey- with our first two we didn't announce the pregnancies until we were in the second trimester, now everyone knows and I am only 5 1/2 weeks along. I am so grateful for all the love and support we have received but I am also afraid if things so wrong--Everyone will know that too! All the what if's are scary but like I said earlier I don't want to live in fear- I want to live with gratitude and hope and faith! I am so SO grateful for faith! I cannot imagine going thru these past painful years without the faith that I have. I know who I am. I know I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who has a divine plan for me. I know that what lies ahead for us- whatever that may be is far far better than anything I could ever imagine!


SO, do I feel pregnant? Yes! I haven't thrown up (still wanting to) but I have had quite a bit of nausea the last couple days. I have never been more happy to feel like garbage! I still feel super tired too. I have a love/hate relationship with naps. At the time they sound so great but when I wake up from them I feel like poo. Food hasn't sounded great either, but randomly one thing will sound good and I can't stop thinking about it till I have it. Today as I was driving home from the blood draw I started to feel really sick and I really wanted a turkey sandwich with mustard, so I stopped at Jimmy Johns and it was heavenly! I just love their bread! ha!
So next for us is our 7 week ultrasound next Friday to make sure that our baby is healthy and strong and maybe hear the heartbeat. Next Friday cannot come soon enough!
It's going to be a week of excitement for all of us! Emma has preschool graduation on Monday- I am so sad that she is done with preschool! She is growing up way too fast and next year my little buddy is going to be in kindergarten, EVERYDAY! I have loved spending time with her everyday and having her with me to go shopping with. She is such a little sweetie with SO much love! Next Wednesday is Olivia's last day of 1st grade! That just blows my mind! She is getting so old! She is such an angel and is so tender and wants to make sure everyone is happy! I really am looking forward to having both of my princesses home with me over the summer! We are going to have so much fun together. I love making memories with them! I'm glad that the next week and a half will be pretty busy to keep my mind occupied so I don't obsess over the upcoming ultrasound! I am so anxious and 'cautiously excited'!
We are so blessed!